when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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