I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
