fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
