Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
