I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
