Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
