Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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