there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
