by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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