Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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