im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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