i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
