Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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