I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
