you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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