i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
