So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
