oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
