And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
