He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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