I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
