sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
