You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
