She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dicks are not precious.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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