i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize