I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I smell like Dick and happiness
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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