Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize