were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
