The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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