just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
