Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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