I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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