sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
