R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
