if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
