your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
