I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
