This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
