Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
