PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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