Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
