home. puking in laundry basket.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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