five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you inspire me to be a worse person
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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