maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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