So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
