Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
