My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
