I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
