I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
