dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
