all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
