Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
