I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
