We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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