Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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