I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
