I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
