I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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