i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
