I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
