I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
