We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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