I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
